PENTHOUSE, (August 1996): Page 106.


Facts & Phalluses of America's favorite organ

by Ralph Gardner, Jr.

Restoring "the unkindest cut of all" has
become a new quest for thousands of men.

Circumcision is a delicate enough operation without people
running off with the equipment needed to perform it.  But
that's exactly what happened recently at New York Hospital
where a 23-year-old circumcision protester snuck into the
maternity ward and tried to abscond with a circumcision
board.  That's a restraining device that holds down a baby's
arms and legs with Velcro straps while his foreskin is
lopped off.

       After alarms sounded and culprit was caught, he
informed a security guard that he'd "felt the pain" when
circumcised as a child.  He also claimed he'd become
radicalized by contacts he'd made over the internet with
such anti-circumcision organizations as NORM, NOCIRC, and

       While noting that circumcision opponents are a
law-abiding lot who would never sanction breaking into a
hospital, Jim Bigelow, author of The Joy of Uncircumcising
(Hourglass, P. O. Box 171, Aptos, Calif. 95001), the bible
of the movement, asserts that increasing numbers of men wish
they'd had a say in their parents' decision to circumcise
them.  And they're finding less confrontational ways to deal
with their loss and to remedy the situation than breaking
into maternity wards.  Foremost among the countermeasures is
a nonsurgical procedure known as foreskin restoration: An
individual's remaining foreskin is stretched back over the
head of the penis using a variety of means, including
surgical tape, weights, even suspenders.

       Those who successfully complete the procedure, which
can take a couple of years report a return of their
self-esteem and vastly more satisfying sex lives.  "I
couldn't feel anything more by the age of 40," says D.
Evans, creator and manufacturer of the Restore-Skin System
kit.  Using his own method, Evans claims that in only six
months he grew enough foreskin to cover the head of his
penis and restore it to the little pleasure dome it once

       Nature intended the head, or glans, of the penis to
be a moist, perpetually lubricated, hypersensitive shielded
surface, something like the lip's inner lining, Evans and
Bigelow both point out.

       None of the restoration techniques fully restores the
penis to its pre-circumcised state.  But sheathing it, not
to mention the back and forth action of glans against the
foreskin, can still make it far more cuddly and fun to play

       Its still hard not to envy the formerly insensitive
Evans who claims that sex has become so fulfilling and
all-involving since he restored his foreskin that he barely
finds the time to run his blossoming mail order business.

       "The difference for me is that each stroke during sex
is as intense as the orgasm was [before the procedure],"
reports Evans, who now describes himself as "multi-
orgasmic," capable of three or four orgasms in an hour.

       As appealing as the possibility sounds of being able
to perform like a testosterone-crazed 18-year-old, it would
be wise - as Bigelow advocates in a disclaimer at the front
of his book - to consult a physician before embarking on
foreskin restoration yourself.

       And after watching the video companion to The Joy of
Uncircumcising, where a penis is variously bound in surgical
tape, has ball bearings unceremoniously pressed upon its
head, gets fitted with a metal helmet, that bears an eerie
resemblance to the nose cone of an I.C.B.M., and finally
surrenders to Evans's tape and suspender system.  It's hard
to believe the stoical little organ doesn't suffer trauma.
Some of the applications must be removed in order to urinate
or to have sex, others supposedly don't.

       In any case the retro-fittings that don't employ
metal have a distinct advantage over those that do - they
make it easier to pass through airport metal detectors as
Evans discovered while attached to a stretching weight before
he invented his own system.  When the metal detector
continued to screech even after he removed his keys and
ballpoint pen, Evans meekly admitted to the security guard
that he was undergoing the process of foreskin restoration.

       There's one more potential complication, at least
with Evans's product.  Not only does all that stretching
lengthen the foreskin, it also lengthens the penis - "a half
inch to an inch increase" under erection Evans says.  "A lot
of men are calling and [asking] how will they ever have
enough skin to restore the foreskin if their dick keeps
getting longer."  There are those, of course, for whom this
side effect may be a selling point.

       For more information about uncircumcising, write
Evans Industries, 3750 West Goret Road, Tucson, Ariz. 85645.

[CIRP note: Evans Industries is no longer in business.]

PENTHOUSE, (August 1996): Page 106.

(File revised 16 May 2008)